Friday, March 13, 2009

I hate my body and it's not because I'm fat

Today was Greg's vasectomy. We had talked about it a lot since Nathan was born. It was something we put off for a long time because I have the Mirena and we'd also discussed my having my tubes tied some. Suddenly (at least if felt that way to me), just a week or two ago, Greg said he needed to find a urologist and get a vasectomy scheduled. Monday he made an appointment to go Wednesday for a consult. After that he had the vasectomy scheduled for just two days later.
I was required to go with him because this doctor gives a shot of Valium before the procedure and they have to have a driver in the office before they will do the procedure. No one was able to watch the boys today so we were all there. After Greg was called back into the office, the boys and I went out into the foyer outside the office so they could run around some and not bother others in the waiting room. There was a large area and a bench for me to sit on with the elevators just across from the bench.
The elevator doors opened and a woman and her husband came out. She was literally bouncing and said, 'come on, come on, I'm so excited". She went down the opposite hallway and disappeared. I didn't give it another thought. Later, as the boys and I continued to wait for Greg, she came skipping (again literally, like a school girl) back toward us with her husband a few steps behind looking kind of out of it. She had papers in her hand and as she pushed the elevator button I saw she had ultrasound photos. I said, "are you pregnant?" She beamed back and squealed, "yes and we just found out we're having twins". She proudly showed me her pictures and I gave her my congratulations. As they entered the elevator, I really wanted to run into the office after Greg. I sat there trying to hold back tears.
As my eyes welled up and a few tears fell down my cheeks, the nurse came into the foyer and told me Greg was finished and asked if I would come back to hear the after care instructions. I kept my head down until she turned her back to lead us and then I wiped my tears and followed quietly.
The entire way home, Greg was a goofy Valium mess. It was funny, I must say, but it was hard to just keep smiling even with his hilarious jokes and non-stop childish behavior.
I hate my body. I hate it.

2 comments:

Monkey's Momma said...

Awww Heather, I feel for you, Hon. I really do. That was sad. I hope you start to feel better soon.

{{{Hugs For Heather}}}

mommysitter said...

I'm so sorry Heather :(